Glitter finds a way of exploding in some mythical way that then ends up over every square inch of your home, in your bra four days later and in your baby’s diapers that were tucked away in a drawer down the hall. And some weeks transpire where a four year old needs to take surprise shits all over your mood by peppering every day with a sudden tantrum at every turn, like mine has this week.
This week I cried a lot. There were times when the tantrums happened in public and I was on my best behaviour. I got down on her level, on the grimy public pool deck, and asked how I could make it better. I got down cross legged in the grocery store’s bathroom, and held her flailing body off the piss-ridden floor. I took a boot to the head in the library in stride, before fleeing with a kid on each hip, with one bobbing on and off the boob, leaving my left nip completely exposed for the incoming group of straggling thirteen year old boys.
I picked my battles. When she wouldn’t go to the Remembrance Day service dressed appropriately, she wore her flip flops, paired with a full snowsuit, hat and mitts.
When I couldn’t produce the missing treasured hair clip after our swim, she walked butt naked out of the pool in protest, straight out into the crisp November air into the parking lot.
Every time the shit hit the fan I got looks. I also heard a woman tell me I had no control over my children, under her breath.
Here’s the thing: she’s right. I don’t always have control over my four-year-old daughter, because she’s four years old, and she’s not a robot. At this stage of life, she’s irrational and temperamental.
When a mother judges me with her contented little six month old on her lap it makes me feel like shit for about two seconds. But then I realize that in a short three-and-a-half years that mom will get hers too, and so I can’t blame her – she’s simply not here, yet.
Until you’re trying to tame a wild beast, you don’t know what it is to tame a wild beast.
Sometimes I’m sure she’s an asshole and I figure I’ve failed completely. Without anyone else’s comments or judgments, I can come to this conclusion on my very own, when I sit on my toilet eating chips to feed my feelings while she rolls on the ground in the hallway. Adding fuel to a struggling mama’s fire of self-doubt is a dangerous game to play, and people don’t even know, consciously, that they’re playing.
So to the folks out there that think I was negligent in having my kid freeze her labia or toes off, let me tell you it’s not because I didn’t try to preserve her dignity or lady bits. It’s not because I didn’t plead with her in the locker room of the pool discussing the merits of clothing for thirty minutes. Wearing flip flops to an hour long service was not some new trendy foot shrinking torture scheme I came up with either.
I tried. I really, really tried.
So when you see the kid with the snotty nose or the one with yogurt in his hair, take a moment and smile at their mom. Because their kid is alive, and for that, their mom is trying.
I begged my husband to take my four year old away for the night to catch my breath after this week. I felt like it’d be good for me.
He did, and there’s an eery silence, also known as a total lack of screaming, in this house.
All that remains is a shit ton of sparkles sitting on the floor.
F, I miss her already.
i hear ya
Solidarity! 😉
When I read this, I see free spirited Wrenny – only because I know her. I also know that if I didn’t know Wrenny and saw her in the parking lot, I would probably have judged too. However, like you said, I don’t know what it is like to tame a wild beast, but it’s coming, and I hope when it does I have as much patience and strength as you do. Thank you for being so raw and open about motherhood Whitney – you are going to change the world with your words, I just know it! xo
Thank you Jilly!
Stay strong momma… I can so relate. you got this… xx
=)
This is so well written and I already feel the pressure of other people and my son is only three months old. ‘He’s not in a full outfit?! I forgot his hat?!’ How dare I. Fuck em all. We all do our best
Oh, the friggin’ hat thing. Thanks Meagan!
Thank You for sharing Whitney! I laughed through this blog because it resonates with my life so much. Well said!! From the sparkles, to the tantrums, buck naked running children, and the mommy time outs…. I feel ya! Looking back at those times, all I can do is laugh and in those trying moments, I can relate. All I can think is, “Amanda, just breathe”… Which is usually the timing when your struck by a shoe.
thanks amanda! it’s been so nice to hear everyone’s feedback- we’re in it together!
Whitney! What a great writer you are! Love it. Oh boy, have I been there….it gets better….then it gets worse. Sorry. Well for me anyway. My oldest is 14, and I’m quite sure I am the worst thing in her world right now. I really don’t think I can do this sometimes, then I realize, shit, I’ve got 2 more right behind her. Find your tribe and vent with them, they will pat you on the back and give you a high five for effort. The ones who criticize, just don’t know….they aren’t in your tribe yet!
better then worse, eh?
assembling the tribe stat.
This made my day. Totally relatable. My four year old girl is exactly the same.
maybe they can get together and raise themselves this weekend? 😉
Seriously. Going through the SAME shit. In Hawaii, no less, right now, so it’s that much more tragic. Gah.
but at least she’s running naked with a cute lei on? would that help cover her ladybits, maybe?
Hi, Whitney.
Read the Sparkles entry. Well written. I could picture the scenes. Jessie’s post on FB led me to you this morning. thank you for sharing!
Oh dear, sorry for the swears, Joan!
I have to say, I am amazed to have a nun among my readership- thank you! You’re the best.
Thank you.
Isla is only half your oldest daughter’s age, but I feel you.
I feel you sister.
Thank you.
Thank you for your sweet words, Vanessa.
Here are a few things this ‘ol mama will share to lighten your load and make you smile:
1. Sparkles are great. Don’t knock them. They are the easiest way to dress up your PJ’s and be date night ready when your hubby walks through the door.
2. Natural consequences are your best friend. If her lady it’s were cold, she may think twice about prancing into the frosty air next time. Easy easy and you didn’t have to do a thing!
3. Do you want to be friends with these judgey judgey people? Hell no. So stroll on by with your head held high and a face full of all the calm you can muster while exuding an “I embrace child led learning” attitude.
4. Don’t believe Anybody who appears to have never had these experiences because they are lying. We ALL have a little crazy in our lives.
5. Normal always takes on crazy. Crazy never takes on normal. So you may have started this awesome ride as normal but..
6. Bathrooms make the best places for mommy time outs. Keep a set of noise cancelling headphones in there along with a stash of bits and bites or marshmallow fluff and a spoon.
7. Finally, a wise woman(,known only as Nana) said to me often, “we do the best we can with what we know at that time”. Live by that.
you make me smile. thanks tan!