Tag Archives: Self-doubt

When her lips turn blue

When her lips turn blue

She’s only just reclining my dentist chair and I’m already a mess, my eyes welling with tears behind the oversized sunglasses I’ve requested. Vomit waits in my throat as my exam begins. Outside in the hallway I can hear Wren recovering with her grandmother, sifting through a chest of prizes after completing her visit. Only… Read more

Grey girl

Grey girl

At the time your fate was deduced to bullet pointed pros and cons on a Grocery list. I kept it folded neatly in the pocket of my jeans, swapping it from one pair of worn pants to the next, ready for additions. I was 23. Until then, my life had been fairly calculated- predictable, even, given… Read more

When she says she’s dying

When she says she’s dying

I’m dying, she tells me. Looking square in my eyes, her face only inches from mine as she clings to my neck from the bathtub she tells me again, as if I hadn’t heard. But oh, I sure did. And he looks to me in horror from his perch on the toilet seat, as I… Read more

Turning into our mothers

Turning into our mothers

Sometimes as a doula I make women cry. Sometimes without warning, the tears start to flow. But more often than not I see it coming. My questions are asked intentionally so to roll that boulder from off of that cave, to uncover her hidden burden. I want to get there. And I don’t do it to be cruel,… Read more

What no one tells you about labour

What no one tells you about labour

Nobody prepares you for the waiting in labour. Yes, you’ve just grown your human for ten months. That means you’ve created perfect razor-sharp fingernails and silky lashes. You’ve got the dimple perfected on the left cheek, and the heart-shaped birthmark on your baby’s back. She or he is ready. And so are you. Because you, first… Read more

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