Tag Archives: Self-doubt

Two poutines and one wax cup

Two poutines and one wax cup

She’s done this before. Waiting in line at the drug store, arm weighted down to her hip, trying to be discreet about the hot pink pregnancy test box containing her fate. She spontaneously sandwiches it between two boxes of Smarties calling her name, which she doesn’t even like, if only to fill the time that has… Read more

When her lips turn blue

When her lips turn blue

She’s only just reclining my dentist chair and I’m already a mess, my eyes welling with tears behind the oversized sunglasses I’ve requested. Vomit waits in my throat as my exam begins. Outside in the hallway I can hear Wren recovering with her grandmother, sifting through a chest of prizes after completing her visit. Only… Read more

Grey girl

Grey girl

At the time your fate was deduced to bullet pointed pros and cons on a Grocery list. I kept it folded neatly in the pocket of my jeans, swapping it from one pair of worn pants to the next, ready for additions. I was 23. Until then, my life had been fairly calculated- predictable, even, given… Read more

When she says she’s dying

When she says she’s dying

I’m dying, she tells me. Looking square in my eyes, her face only inches from mine as she clings to my neck from the bathtub she tells me again, as if I hadn’t heard. But oh, I sure did. And he looks to me in horror from his perch on the toilet seat, as I… Read more

Turning into our mothers

Turning into our mothers

Sometimes as a doula I make women cry. Sometimes without warning, the tears start to flow. But more often than not I see it coming. My questions are asked intentionally so to roll that boulder from off of that cave, to uncover her hidden burden. I want to get there. And I don’t do it to be cruel,… Read more

Follow Spilt Milk Doula