Tag Archives: Feelings

Found, not lost

Found, not lost

We may not see their babies, but there are mothers all around us. Young women, healthy women, unmarked families who are the one in four who have lost their babies in pregnancy or early childhood. We may not see their children, but their families have their birthdays engraved into their mental consciousness like a deep… Read more

Wondering

Wondering

Will you be my last? Entrusting me to grow your long, dark lashes, your ten fingers and ten toes. Will you be the last one? My last time to be penalized for simply brushing my teeth, by returning the contents of my breakfast in the nearby toilet, with you in mind. Is this my pregnancy… Read more

Two poutines and one wax cup

Two poutines and one wax cup

She’s done this before. Waiting in line at the drug store, arm weighted down to her hip, trying to be discreet about the hot pink pregnancy test box containing her fate. She spontaneously sandwiches it between two boxes of Smarties calling her name, which she doesn’t even like, if only to fill the time that has… Read more

Bidding goodnight to the dink

Bidding goodnight to the dink

I’m letting go but I’m holding you close. Arching your back as the sun sleeps, begging me, pleading as you can do at two years old, for your nightly “dinky duss.” For all 842 days and nights of your life, it’s been this way. Except for this unexceptional, anticlimactic night upon which I’ve decided to… Read more

When her lips turn blue

When her lips turn blue

She’s only just reclining my dentist chair and I’m already a mess, my eyes welling with tears behind the oversized sunglasses I’ve requested. Vomit waits in my throat as my exam begins. Outside in the hallway I can hear Wren recovering with her grandmother, sifting through a chest of prizes after completing her visit. Only… Read more

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